another loony rambling =)

I've got a serious problem:


"I am irrevocably, unconditionally in-love with Edward Cullen".


And the worst part is, he just managed to bring my expectations of the male partner to the level
that is not possible for a mere mortal to reach. And what does that tell me? One thing. I am
DEFINITELY going to end up a spinster now. UUgghh! As if I wasn't trudging on that lane
enough already. I am 27 years old, single, and doesn't have a single clue as to what exactly
it is I am looking for. Although, I have always been aware of what it is I am NOT looking for.
SO at least that narrows it down a bit. I've had a hard enough time appreciating the other male
gender. To illuminate on this pathetic issue some more, let me break it down to these few salient
points (mostly for my own benefit).

1. Since day 1 (or primary school for that matter), I've been surrounded by males who has
either one or all of these qualities (good look, wealth, some small town fame, intelligence). Surrounded which means we are either taking the same classes or is going to the same school. This went on til college. The downside to this was my discovery that a lot also turned out to be either one, or again all of these:

a) weird b) jerk c) a student activist d) gay e) and the saddest of 'em all, TAKEN.


2. I--don't--date, like at all, like NEVER. One thing about me which is good, but other times
not, is that you can't make me do something that I don't want to. Or be at a place I don't wanna
be at. Or be with someone I don't wanna be with. I avoid awkward things like a plague. And
dating is one of that. I've only been in one once and I swear, "disaster" isn't even the worst
synonym that would describe what transpired. Hence, if I don't know the guy or if he doesn't
make my heart the least bit curious, there's not a chance that I'm going out with him. I know
some would consider it just being plain snobbish but I'd rather be labeled such by people who doesn't really matter in my life than do something I would very much rather not. I just don't see the point in subjecting myself to the torture of being uncomfortable in the company of someone I'm not being in sync with. And honestly, I think I'm doing them a favor. They don't have to wine and dine me only to be told a few months down the road that "hey pal, i think we're better off as friends, thanks for the LV bags-CL shoes- free movies....". Ok, now I'm sure that images of me sitting in an oldies chair, knitting (or maybe cross-stitching as I don't know whack about knitting), reading, or watching movies of days gone by must be playing in the minds of whoever has so much free time on their hands as to bother reading this lol).
3. But perhaps the most influential of all are these sappy films/novels I've been delving into.
They have almost conditioned my mind to dream of a guy so ideal and whose love so
impossibly real they must exist only in one's dream. A Walk To Remember. A Love Story.
The Notebook. Last Of The Mohicans. A Room With A View, An Affair To Remember,
Great Expectations. I could go on and on. I am also most tickled by love stories
that defies nature. Vampire-human love affairs (Twin Effects), lovers meeting from different
times (Lightning - Koontz, Somewhere In Time, Lake House), among others.


The latest addition to these heart-warping films is Twilight. It brought an altogether different
side to my male ideal. Something that is hard to find even in dreams. Edward Cullen is just so
sensitive, so intense it is almost painful to love him. Pity he'll most likely exist only in the pages
of the books/ film reel though. Maybe the reason why we are so enamored with him is
that he says the things that we ache to hear from our guys, but never does. Edward's
words alone often gives me an OMG- can't-believe-he's-saying-that-it's-just-so-beautiful giddiness, thanks largely to Meyer's almost prosaic manner of writing. An example is when he has to go hunting and he bid his farewell to Bella in these words:
"... Take care of my heart. I left it with you".
Now, this is also exactly the reason why he'll never jump out of Meyer's pages. Now if a
normal human guy would attempt at being poetic in normal everyday conversations, we women will just suspect either or all of these things:

a) he's copying out of mushy novels to cover his cheating/lies
b) he's gay
c) it's just plain 'ewww'

--- To Be Continued.


EDIT 2010: am just wondering since I mentioned that I won't date a guy unless "he makes my heart a bit curious.." and all that hoopla, well, HOW WILL HE KNOW he does?! cos when I like a guy I get soooo shy I can't even look him in the eyes nor be friendly with him or start  a conversation or something. some girls do it left and right, but I can't flirt to save a life! I swear, this is a curse!! Sometimes, I even get self-conscious when I know I'm within his sight. Gosh! I am such a freak! *sigh* i'm gonna be a spinster, no doubt about it now. ^^

my Twilight books!!!

Thank God for good friends!!

After scouring practically ALL National Bookstores, Fullybooked branches, among others in Angeles and Metro Manila by phone, I have given up on finding a complete copy of all the 4 Twilight series books. A friend even ordered online but she wasn't able to get a confirmation yet. I refuse to read the Adobe version and all these notepad copies that have been proliferating at work. I love the smell of paper when I read a new book and it won't hurt my eyes besides. So i have to have the paperback/hardbound copies soon.Then when I logged on to Amazon, i saw that they have it in-stock. So I was thinking it must be available in some other countries. And then it hit me!! A friend is coming back home from Ireland for her wedding. Now when I think of any European country, I think of all these quaint little bookstores that are teeming with really rare finds and a few mainstream stuff as well. I could just picture out the Twilight books displayed in shelves and my hands are itching to reach across my imagination and snatch them. As it turns out, I didn't have to wish for a superpower to do that. I thickened my face and ask my friend if she could be so kind as to look for them for me. Now, I didn't realize that the books are actually quite heavy and the 4th book is in fact looking more like an Encyclopedia than a fiction novel. Had I known, I wouldn'd have had the gall to have her lug it from Dublin all the way to the Philippines. But a real trouper and good friend that she is, she, and my books, landed safely in the country. To cut the story short, I am now a proud owner of the 4 Meyer books. And the bonus is, although it is quite pricey when bought in Ireland, the bookstore was then running a sort of a 3-for-the-price-of-2 sale, so I didn't have to shell out that much. Ah, well, thank God for good friends.. and quaint bookstores. =)

how I'm feeling about LIFE at this very moment...

"... ei! I'm just passing through.".

DisclaimerA: Thank you hhsc/Greg for the awesome pic. More of his pics here. http://www.flickr.com/photos/37313642@N00/580842937/

Twilight.. I am in such a muddle I couldn't come up with a more imaginative title....

People will say I'm crazy when I say that, like Daniel Radcliffe, this obsession over Twilight is starting to annoy me. Oh wait, no, it IS driving me mad. Not the movie per se but all these people who suddenly will forego their nightly fantasies of rockstars & Texas ranchers, Gap models & Wentworth Millers and Piolo Pascuals of this world and trade 'em with..sniff..vampires.
Its not happening here yet as the materials are not available but I can almost see now the walls of girls ages 6 to 60 to be covered with, what else.. sniff... vampires.

No thanks to Stephenie Meyer. The gothic romance that had been associated with vampires for decades was, in 2 hrs and 1 minute, turned into a PG-13 teen romance.Never have I seen a vampire movie that's rated PG-13. And I've seen plenty. Mmmm, I think Van Helsing was a PG13 though. Ok, saved for that one. But the rest were mostly rated R.

I've been so into vampires since I saw a direct-to-video vampire film Subspecies (Bloodstone) in 1991. I was 10 years old then. It was my very first vampire movie and the also the first time that I witnessed a vampire going against its nature and falling in love with a human. I was instantly smitten. I think vampires are very passionate, intense, hypnotic. Well, they're designed that way as Edward Cullen said. And I've been drawn into their web for more than a decade now. In fact, I get out of my way to watch every fanged movie out there, even the foreign ones with sub-titles. And I would sometimes even dream that I'm a vampire, and it would feel so real. creepy. yes, it is. And I'm pretty sure its freaking my roomies out.It doesn't help that I'm a nocturnal person, and that I'm cold-blooded. Not in the I'm-an-axe-murderer-I'm- pals-with-Freddy-Kruger sort of way. It's just that my skin would sometimes feel cold to the touch (hhahaha! am hearing a resounding "Owwsss! at this point). More like clammy, you'd say. But really, I' not pulling anyone's legs off. And a normal temp for everyone is already a fever for me. In short, Im a vampirella in waiting.. or a woman waiting to be
turned into one.

And now, because of the movie, everyone's falling in line giddy with a dream of being turned by their vampire prince. sniff sniff.. so much rivals, not even a possibility of one vampire existing.

Okay, so i was just feeling jealous which is really, really lame. But I can't help it. And that's why the cyberspace really comes in handy for venting purposes, lol! There were only a few of us with that dream before, and now half the world has gotten rid of garlic in their kitchen to up their chances of being turned.. Not that I mind cos I do more than that.. Ive started prowling in the dead of night garbed in a 16th century night gown, avoiding the sun to get super-pale Vampir-esque skin, and... oh, drinking artificial blood.harhar! am not kidding.

But yes, I was kidding. That was downright ghoulish. The fact is I really, really loved the movie, the characters, everything. I loved the Cullens. And I'm grateful for Meyer for highlighting yet another trait of the vampires, that of being fiercely loyal. Not one family has made such an
impression on me since, the Addams Family.Vampires have always been creatures of the dark, enigmatic and full of Old World glamour. To live with them is to give up the light of day though, and everything we've always known about living. It'd be anything but normal. But then the Cullens came along, and that changed. Suddenly, it's not going to be such a drastic, heavy change anymore. And maybe that's why I both love and hate Meyer for writing Twilight. She has perfectly brought to life my ideal vampire. He's no longer the brooding and sexy, yet sulking creature. He laughs, he hold hands, a real sensitive, tender man... I could go on and on. On the one end though, she brought him out there for everyone to ogle at.. which sucks big time.

With thanks to flickerbitches at http://www.flickr.com/photos/30458455@N03/2854651408/ for the pic.