another loony rambling =)

I've got a serious problem:


"I am irrevocably, unconditionally in-love with Edward Cullen".


And the worst part is, he just managed to bring my expectations of the male partner to the level
that is not possible for a mere mortal to reach. And what does that tell me? One thing. I am
DEFINITELY going to end up a spinster now. UUgghh! As if I wasn't trudging on that lane
enough already. I am 27 years old, single, and doesn't have a single clue as to what exactly
it is I am looking for. Although, I have always been aware of what it is I am NOT looking for.
SO at least that narrows it down a bit. I've had a hard enough time appreciating the other male
gender. To illuminate on this pathetic issue some more, let me break it down to these few salient
points (mostly for my own benefit).

1. Since day 1 (or primary school for that matter), I've been surrounded by males who has
either one or all of these qualities (good look, wealth, some small town fame, intelligence). Surrounded which means we are either taking the same classes or is going to the same school. This went on til college. The downside to this was my discovery that a lot also turned out to be either one, or again all of these:

a) weird b) jerk c) a student activist d) gay e) and the saddest of 'em all, TAKEN.


2. I--don't--date, like at all, like NEVER. One thing about me which is good, but other times
not, is that you can't make me do something that I don't want to. Or be at a place I don't wanna
be at. Or be with someone I don't wanna be with. I avoid awkward things like a plague. And
dating is one of that. I've only been in one once and I swear, "disaster" isn't even the worst
synonym that would describe what transpired. Hence, if I don't know the guy or if he doesn't
make my heart the least bit curious, there's not a chance that I'm going out with him. I know
some would consider it just being plain snobbish but I'd rather be labeled such by people who doesn't really matter in my life than do something I would very much rather not. I just don't see the point in subjecting myself to the torture of being uncomfortable in the company of someone I'm not being in sync with. And honestly, I think I'm doing them a favor. They don't have to wine and dine me only to be told a few months down the road that "hey pal, i think we're better off as friends, thanks for the LV bags-CL shoes- free movies....". Ok, now I'm sure that images of me sitting in an oldies chair, knitting (or maybe cross-stitching as I don't know whack about knitting), reading, or watching movies of days gone by must be playing in the minds of whoever has so much free time on their hands as to bother reading this lol).
3. But perhaps the most influential of all are these sappy films/novels I've been delving into.
They have almost conditioned my mind to dream of a guy so ideal and whose love so
impossibly real they must exist only in one's dream. A Walk To Remember. A Love Story.
The Notebook. Last Of The Mohicans. A Room With A View, An Affair To Remember,
Great Expectations. I could go on and on. I am also most tickled by love stories
that defies nature. Vampire-human love affairs (Twin Effects), lovers meeting from different
times (Lightning - Koontz, Somewhere In Time, Lake House), among others.


The latest addition to these heart-warping films is Twilight. It brought an altogether different
side to my male ideal. Something that is hard to find even in dreams. Edward Cullen is just so
sensitive, so intense it is almost painful to love him. Pity he'll most likely exist only in the pages
of the books/ film reel though. Maybe the reason why we are so enamored with him is
that he says the things that we ache to hear from our guys, but never does. Edward's
words alone often gives me an OMG- can't-believe-he's-saying-that-it's-just-so-beautiful giddiness, thanks largely to Meyer's almost prosaic manner of writing. An example is when he has to go hunting and he bid his farewell to Bella in these words:
"... Take care of my heart. I left it with you".
Now, this is also exactly the reason why he'll never jump out of Meyer's pages. Now if a
normal human guy would attempt at being poetic in normal everyday conversations, we women will just suspect either or all of these things:

a) he's copying out of mushy novels to cover his cheating/lies
b) he's gay
c) it's just plain 'ewww'

--- To Be Continued.


EDIT 2010: am just wondering since I mentioned that I won't date a guy unless "he makes my heart a bit curious.." and all that hoopla, well, HOW WILL HE KNOW he does?! cos when I like a guy I get soooo shy I can't even look him in the eyes nor be friendly with him or start  a conversation or something. some girls do it left and right, but I can't flirt to save a life! I swear, this is a curse!! Sometimes, I even get self-conscious when I know I'm within his sight. Gosh! I am such a freak! *sigh* i'm gonna be a spinster, no doubt about it now. ^^