i tried really, really hard..

.... to refrain from posting about work here anymore and be all negative and whiny and all. i didn't want bad vibes here but. If say, you just stumbled into this blog by accident, remember this is a personal blog and works like an online diary for me. So i guess that allows me to say anything i want on how i feel about things at the moment. vent. rant. cuss. now, i may or no longer may feel the same way about this at the moment. notice the word "feel", this is all about what i feel and is not intended to badmouth a company or a particular person, hence, no name will be mentioned. 


      i lasted 4 long years, and i don't really feel like those are long years, in fact i can't believe it's been four years already. And there was a lot of times when thoughts of what-the-hell-am-i-doing-here, why-do-i-put-up-with-this-bs, so ^%#$& it's unbelievable. But when i think of the trade off: great workmates/friends, traffic-less commute, none of Manila's pollution, a nice enough apartment, i tell myself, its worth it. the lack of career growth opportunity, self-development, long-term benefits, a break-even pay, i kind of turned a blind eye on those things. The people i worked/studied with before, they're out there chasing after their dreams, but I decided to stay. I was happy. I was contented. and ok, maybe a bit lazy as well. But now, it's getting a bit of a challenge to continue looking the other way. I feel really,really sad that the situation is forcing me to rethink things. 


    I put up with a LOT of things. and believe me after being with a great company that offers great benefits ( on my 1st job), it's hard for me not to compare. I quit my 1st job cos the workload was crazy, just plain cutthroat, and also since I could afford to have a lower salary since my sister whom I was helping finish college financially already graduated... and decided to rest awhile while earning so that's the whole story on how i got into the call center industry. whew! seems like I've had a very long "rest". Now i remember reading about a US president who had a habit of making a list of benefits and disadvantages before making a decision (forgot who). I don't have a similar list yet, but i've been weighing things on my mind.


1. HMO - four years, and i could vaguely remember the last time we had medical insurance, 6mos at most. I swear it wasn't even from a reputable one, accredited hospitals are limited, doctors even, and i can't even have my parents covered  (no accredited hospital where they live, what's the point). and with the kind of work environment I'm in, working graveyard shifts, commuting at night, unbelievably undisciplined public/private drivers who can't seem to determine the difference between a highway and pedestrians lane/ side walks (come to think of it, are there proper pedestrian lane around here? maybe that's why some motorists take me by surprise sometimes, they're right behind me when I'm walking to the jeepney stop, one step to the side and I'm headed to the hospital, sans health card o-m-g.).I also remember this one time, i had a really bad tonsillitis and after getting myself checked with an E.E.N.T specialist (at my expense,to be refunded after several weeks), the doctor said it's the type that could lead to a heart disease and that I must have my tonsils removed. I do understand cases like it and i know some people who had theirs removed. I was so grief-stricken like I'd been sentenced to death. But ok, I'm willing to part with my tonsils if it means i don't have to worry about my heart. So the doctor gave me some papers to give our HR dept so we could schedule the operation. I went to the office, the person in charge's not in yet ( it's past 8am mind you) so this other office girl took note of my name, account, supervisor, and mobile number, on the forms. I called twice to make a follow up, and for some reason I could never get a hold of the person in charge. It's been weeks and I was feeling a lot better  so I decided what the heck! I'll just wait it (my throat) out and did not follow up anymore. I guess that sort of, saved my tonsils, tho am always panicky every time i feel a sore throat coming. But that experience left a really bad taste/feeling in my mouth, like losing trust that if something is gonna happen to me...


While I do appreciate our good co-employees from another department paying us a weekly visit when it's almost Christmas to distribute goodies like a piece of fruit or a bar of chocolate ( not being an ingrate here ) what I'm dying to see is for us to finally have a decent health card. cos these goodies just reminds me of the 2 kinds of charity - one that is convenient, and one that is lasting, canned goods vs livelihood to a poverty-stricken town. I'm fervently wishing for it not just for myself  but for my friends, my workmates. It's just so sad that as of the moment I'm not really seeing an effort or a solid plan to acquire one (if there is and we're just not privy to it, i'll be most happy to be proven wrong). so I guess my wish this Christmas is: Maxicare/Intellicare/Medicare card for everyone!! lol a girl can dream.


2. lack of regular evaluation of supervisors by agents - and vice versa.. well, we agents do get a sporadic coaching but the former gets none at all. in my old job, we evaluate each other all the time. in college, students evaluate their professors at the end of the semester. And I've seen how it worked so well for everyone. I mean, seriously,how can you expect to improve if you don't even have a friggin' idea how you're doing? we can't rely on hobnobbing with who's who every time, can we ( or am i just being naive)? cos it only works on one side of the spectrum. We're no longer kids so I don't think if we're made to evaluate a supervisor, that we're just gonna plain bash them. i'm all for constructive criticism.  I mean, i find it out-of-this-world-unbelievable,  this absence of performance appraisal and feedback tools..i don't know how the company managed to operate without it for so long. oh, wait.. i know! 


on a side note: I have met supervisors who really work hard tho and knows exactly how to deal with agents,  and I have great respect for them. It makes me wanna work hard as well cos it's kinda embarrassing not to. also, i wonder why there aren't a lot of leadership/management training for supervisors?  I mean like out of town or something. If they do, i wonder cos they're ALWAYS on the floor, which is expected though I'm sure it'll be a great help for them to take a breather sometimes and have one of those team building/trainings.


Now, i remember one question thrown at me when I was applying to transfer to another account. " You've been here for a few years now, why haven't you applied for a position?" And I gave some lame answer about how there wasn't an opening for a project i have enough knowledge about, and I don't wanna apply for an opening on an account i have zero knowledge on. but the truth is, i really only have this one life, and i don't wanna spend a portion of it kissing asses.


3. no bonus? - oh yeah, this is one of the things i missed the most. this and the following comparisons are like, just minor things, icings on a cake. The first two are what i feel so strongly about. It's just that it's Christmas time and I kinda envy my sister since she already got her Xmas bonus plus 13th month. Just last month, they got their 4th quarter bonus. Man, I'm missing mid- and year-end performance bonuses.


4. no career dev't seminars/trainings/workshops - again, icing on  a cake. can live without it but..


5. company financed p-r-o-p-e-r team building - team building in it's true sense, not some 1 hour brunch somewhere. That's not team building. Sports Fest or similar events? I've blogged about it before, ain't a pretty memory.


Oh well, that's all I can remember for now. Too much is going on at work lately, lot's of conflicting emotions.i really feel for my fellow workmates, and hence, I just had to write about this pronto or else suffer a chest pain and a bad temper later.