To be or not to be..

What a way to start one's work hours. Shortly after arriving at the bus stop, a colleague told me that there' s been an update regarding our offer. I won't go into details since I fear that would somehow be a breach of contract. Although that in itself is laughable. The gist is that we were to commit a fraud, or a half-fraud, if there is such a thing. We were to sell something where the customer would get less than what they actually are paying for. And that we were to hide that fact from the customer. And oh, I think it's also relevant to mention that most of these customers end up not using the service at all. So that's hundred of dollars down the drain. And to commit it at this time of recession, it's murder. And it's also killing me. As Jamie Kennedy said in a similar situation, it's soul-sucking. It's funny considering the company mentioned something about integrity in its mission statement. So much for that.

I vowed to myself that I'd be able to get out of this company unscathed, or with as little dent to my morality as possible. I'm not going to sell my soul for P400+/day. Now, maybe you're thinking what the hell Am I still doing here? Why not quit already? Believe me I'd thought of that a thousand times. And everytime the thought just keeps getting more and more attractive. If only I only have myself to think of, if only I'm not the eldest in the family, if only the economy is not in a dump right now. It just is hard to wade through the piles of "if only" and simply pass my "two weeks notice". But never for a moment think that I never fantasize about it. Ah! but it'll come to pass soon enough, and that'll be the day. In the meantime, I'm as motivated as a slow-frying fish. So to be or not to be... succumb to temptation and be the best sales person there is. Or hold on to the last shred of integrity and not perform up to par.That is the question. And Shakespeare doesn't have anything to do with it. Sadly.

Hundred Island : Summer 2009!

I really thought I won't be going anywhere this summer, so it was a pleasant surprise when my sister told me she and her officemates are going to Pangasinan to spend a few lazy summer days, and that I'm welcome to tag along. Of course, I readily said YES! Beats having to suffer through hot humid days in the apartment. Besides, my entire being is screaming to be submerged in the clean, cool, salty beach.The trip started Friday evening and ended Monday at around 5pm. Three nights and 3 days. The following are the "highlights" of the vacay.

1. Met up sis at 7pm, met up everyone else around 10pm. However, since the van got caught in traffic and we had to convoy with another van ( which appeared/met up with us around 12mn), we left Manila at around, whew! 1 in the morning. Way to start the trip!

2. Arrived in Pangasinan at 8am, grabbed a quick breakfast, left things in the cottage, changed outfit, and travelled for a couple more hours towards our Day 1 activity, spelunking! This isn't my first time so I wasn't really that excited. The differences between now and the first time:

a) I was with my sister.

b) I had my own headlight ( the first time some used flashlights, the guides had their own head light, I was empty handed. Now, I shudder to think what could have become of me had I strayed away from the group in the Twilight Zone).

c) There was water all throughout the 2km cave and some areas are around 15ft deep. With the first cave, only some chambers had water, the rest are dry. The most difficult part on the first one was that we had to swim through murky water to get through a hole underwater which is the only entrance to the next chamber. With the second one, the challenge came early on. The main entrance to the cave was wide but soooo narrow that we practically had to crawl our way in military in. Both were good physical exercises though.

3. Had to do some hiking going to and from the cave. And then we had to go through the 2-hr travel back and were so bushed by the time we get to our cottage that we didn't have the time to do some night swimming or bond over a bonfire. We just had a quick dinner and then zzzzzzz.

Day 2

1. I woke up at 4:30am intending to await the rising of the sun. There's nothing like capturing sun rises at various places in the Philippines and maybe someday make a nice little portfolio with it. 5:am. 5:15am. I became captivated with an elderly couple walking and eventually settling by the shore that before I realized it, I noticed the morning was already too bright for the sun not to have risen yet. Turns out we are on the west side so as I sat engrossed in taking pictures of the couple, I didn't noticed the sun had already risen behind me. Added bummer since I forgot to turn the flash off on my last shot of the couple and the husband caught me doing a pazzo on them. I wonder what sort of pyscho he thought of me then. Oh well.

2. At around 8, everyone carpooled into the 2 vans and went through, again, more than an hour of land travel plus a few minutes on boat to reach our ultimate destination: Hundred Island.

We visited 3 Islands: The Governor's Island ( spectacular view from the top!), Children's Island ( everyone thought it was too crowded so we bypassed it ) and Quezon Island. We decided to stay here, had lunch and took to the water like it's been years since we'd been on a real beach. Which is true by the way. It was just a slice of heaven on earth. Of course it's nothing like Boracay but the water was just as glorious. We were basically swimming amidst 2 islands and the water barely reached my chin, so I felt safe swimming this way and that without the usual fear of going too far. It was practically like a swimming pool, just with cream-colored sands, sandwiched between two islands, and much much wider. Everybody was having so much fun it was like a playground. Though shallow, some people were wearing bright orange life vests and others rented kayaks and paddles around the area.

To be continued:

Welcome back, Eminem!!

So I just made a passing comment last week that it's been awhile since we heard from Eminem ( except the single last Feb which was a collab with 50 Cent and Dr. Dre) and Lo and Behold! when I visited MTV's web site, I found out he has a new single titled We Made You! And, this is actually a song from his new album Relapse which will be released May 19 this year! The song is ok, and of course there were a few celebrity casualties in its wake again. Welcome Back Em! I haven't really indulged in the rap genre since you've been away for like 4 years. It's gotten pretty boring without you! Anyway, I'm eagerly waiting with headphones in hand. I hope the rumours are true that there's almost 20 songs off the album plus a bonus CD with 6 songs. And he's releasing 2 albums this year! Oh! feels like Christmas morning. :)


Note: photo hosted on this site http://www.flickr.com/photos/iphone_wallpaper/3086006332/

on Holy Week and a little bit of gore...

The past Holy Week was supposed to have been spent the same way I'd spent it for the past 27 years: movie marathon, a few days meat-abstinence, a trek to the beach, hang out with friends, sleeping. Except a friend texted and invited me to witness a different way of celebrating Holy Week in Cutud,Pampanga, where some people gets willingly crucified for reasons that are beyond me. I declined the invitation at first, I thought it's barbaric, ridiculous, and I'm not really that hot on watching blood spurt on these people's hands while being nailed on the cross. Besides, this particular friend is a photography enthusiast and when he mentioned that it's been featured on National Geographic (or was it Time magazine?) last year, i knew it's just another great photo op for him. But then I thought, why not break the monotony of my Holy Week and do something different? It might evoke something in me, make me a better Christian. And so, in the end, I relented.

We got there half past 11 and we managed to squirm our way through towards the chicken wire separating the mob from the crosses on the hill. After an hour on the sweltering heat, I was ready to throw the towel in. It wasn't just the heat, I was surrounded by foreigners and locals, with most of the latter under umbrellas and big hats, which baffled me. Personally, I decided against opening my umbrella as it was a good chance to do my own little sacrifice. How insignificant is standing under the midday sun compared to being crucified and drinking vinegar to quench one's thirst??? And then it dawned on me that those people were there for the spectacle, a good percentage anyway, much like my friend, and to some extent, me ( except for the little fact that I wanted that opportunity to stoke my Christianity fire ). But unlike them, for all my morbid fascination on serial killers and police procedural shows and vampires, I really don't have the stomach for real, warm blood. While standing there waiting for the Gladiator-like event to unfold, I was debating with myself if I really wanna be there when the crucifixion begins. And so in the end, I walked away from it all. Chicken!! Not really. I simply found myself a place to witness the event from afar. At least, I wouldn't be close enough to see the pain from their faces when they are nailed to the cross. When the play began, I think I got teary-eyed twice, the second time during the crucifixion. I was thinking," Jesus, why did you have to go through all that. Were we worth it?? Especially taking into account all that's been happening now, are we still worth it??!" Of course, this emoting and deep reverie didn't last long as the people around me were making funny comments. When "Jesus" was being taken down the cross after the crucifixion, he was supposed to play dead and be all limp but maybe because his hands had been tied and nailed for quite a long time, he wasn't able to immediately put his hands down and this guy besides me said

" O, patay ka na ah, ba't nakataas pa yang kamay mo?"

Good thing we're so far that there wasn't a chance of the poor guy hearing it. and then another guy said ( only Jesus was nailed, the 2 guys on his side were simply tied to the cross) after "Jesus" was taken down, :

" O yang dalawa, tumalon na lang kayo, di nma kayo nakapako eh!.."

Laughter all around. And I hated myself coz I found the comments pretty funny too. Oh! I wanted to kick myself. But on the other hand, I don't think the whole thing was a failure for me. At least, for once this year, I was reminded of all the sins I had committed in this life and how unworthy I am of the sacrifice. But it also made ma realize that there's still hope. I still have a life time ahead of me to work on proving myself worthy of it.

ARRrrGhhhG!!!!!

I am so pissed right now. I just received a broadcaster at work ( this is a message that pops-up on your PC broadcasting anything that they want generally known by the agents. Today, it says they are appealing on our generosity and is asking for P20 each as

There, I pulled a Cullen because of this BP-rising news. ( Do vampires' blood pressure ever rise??? lol! )

our contribution for the ongoing Sports Fest. The money will be used to buy uniforms, gatorade? and what have you.. All in the spirit of camaraderie blah blah blah.

Ok, so it's just P20, but I don't feel it's right for the ff reasons:

1) it IS a company event, done basically to help boost employees morale. If the company don't have the resources to finance such a well-meaning activity ( which is a standard in other companies, and also, are commonly being alloted budget by the company), why not just do away with it, instead of having the employees PAY for it. After all, a good percentage of employees won't even be around to witness the event. HEck! I don't even have a friggin idea what/when/where the activities will be. Hmm... What exactly I am paying for? And are we going to be privy to the budget allocation? I don't think so.

2. It isn't like WE asked for it. Since they intended for us to contribute all along, I would have appreciated receiving a broadcaster or a memo that runs along this line :" Hey! It's summer time! Wouldn't it be nice to hold a sports fest or any activity that you may suggest to help beat the heat?! And since it's recession, we would appreciate if we could pool some money to finance the %#@&^% event. "AT LEAST, we would have a say if we even are remotely interested holding such an event instead of just dropping the financial obligation on our blue-trousered laps when the Sports Fest ALREADY started?! A little DEMOCRACY people!!

3. So it's tradition. I don't care if previous employees paid for it for years before me. I don't give a d*amn. As previously mentioned, a lot of employees are on graveyard shifts and would rather sleep during the day than be a spectator in this weather! Why can't they be more creative and come up with an activity that though smaller in scale, would be more practical and something that majority of employees would ACTUALLY participate in ( rather than the ones that hasn't quite gotten over the extra-curricular activities they'd have participated in during their college-hs days?) Like what?! I would love to come up with some specific suggestions, but my job description doesn't really call for that now, does it? If i was looking to lose sleep over stuff like this, event organizing etc. I wouldn't be slaving in this industry as an agent. Otherwise.... I know there are PEOPLE in our company's payroll that are SUPPOSED to take care of these things. I hope they start thinking out-of-the-box soon. If things are so desperate as to make us pay for our own entertainment, then that calls for desperate measures! Why not friggin' have people look for sponsors!!!! They could ask for uniforms to be sponsored by that REAL ESTATE business OUR company is promoting. Instead of opting for the easy way and milk the agents for the dough. AGain, we didnt' f*#$ ask for it! I'm thinking maybe they don't allow commercial endeavours here inside the workplace ( though agents are engaging in small-time trade). But if they do, if there's a small possibility that it can be done, why not negotiate with fast food businesses( shakes, sodas, pizza's etc), put up kiosks here inside during the duration of the activity for a percentage of their sales, that would even make the activity more festive. Or go for ex-deals! Oh God, if there's a will, there's a way... ( of course our canteen with it's "reasonably" priced items would lose a few days revenue ). Just not this, 20 bucks from the employees, that's like donating 25 minutes of our time here. No way Jose... I'm all for team spirit and camaraderie, just not this way.

There's no such thing as free lunch, much less my 25 minutes. There's no effin' way I'm parting with my wrinkled, germ-infested P25 bill. And for the nth time now, I ASK myself: " What the HELL have I gotten myself into?!"

Whew! it feels good to have it outta my chest! Thanks cyberspace, for ALWAYS always accomodating my rants. XoXo!