on Holy Week and a little bit of gore...

The past Holy Week was supposed to have been spent the same way I'd spent it for the past 27 years: movie marathon, a few days meat-abstinence, a trek to the beach, hang out with friends, sleeping. Except a friend texted and invited me to witness a different way of celebrating Holy Week in Cutud,Pampanga, where some people gets willingly crucified for reasons that are beyond me. I declined the invitation at first, I thought it's barbaric, ridiculous, and I'm not really that hot on watching blood spurt on these people's hands while being nailed on the cross. Besides, this particular friend is a photography enthusiast and when he mentioned that it's been featured on National Geographic (or was it Time magazine?) last year, i knew it's just another great photo op for him. But then I thought, why not break the monotony of my Holy Week and do something different? It might evoke something in me, make me a better Christian. And so, in the end, I relented.

We got there half past 11 and we managed to squirm our way through towards the chicken wire separating the mob from the crosses on the hill. After an hour on the sweltering heat, I was ready to throw the towel in. It wasn't just the heat, I was surrounded by foreigners and locals, with most of the latter under umbrellas and big hats, which baffled me. Personally, I decided against opening my umbrella as it was a good chance to do my own little sacrifice. How insignificant is standing under the midday sun compared to being crucified and drinking vinegar to quench one's thirst??? And then it dawned on me that those people were there for the spectacle, a good percentage anyway, much like my friend, and to some extent, me ( except for the little fact that I wanted that opportunity to stoke my Christianity fire ). But unlike them, for all my morbid fascination on serial killers and police procedural shows and vampires, I really don't have the stomach for real, warm blood. While standing there waiting for the Gladiator-like event to unfold, I was debating with myself if I really wanna be there when the crucifixion begins. And so in the end, I walked away from it all. Chicken!! Not really. I simply found myself a place to witness the event from afar. At least, I wouldn't be close enough to see the pain from their faces when they are nailed to the cross. When the play began, I think I got teary-eyed twice, the second time during the crucifixion. I was thinking," Jesus, why did you have to go through all that. Were we worth it?? Especially taking into account all that's been happening now, are we still worth it??!" Of course, this emoting and deep reverie didn't last long as the people around me were making funny comments. When "Jesus" was being taken down the cross after the crucifixion, he was supposed to play dead and be all limp but maybe because his hands had been tied and nailed for quite a long time, he wasn't able to immediately put his hands down and this guy besides me said

" O, patay ka na ah, ba't nakataas pa yang kamay mo?"

Good thing we're so far that there wasn't a chance of the poor guy hearing it. and then another guy said ( only Jesus was nailed, the 2 guys on his side were simply tied to the cross) after "Jesus" was taken down, :

" O yang dalawa, tumalon na lang kayo, di nma kayo nakapako eh!.."

Laughter all around. And I hated myself coz I found the comments pretty funny too. Oh! I wanted to kick myself. But on the other hand, I don't think the whole thing was a failure for me. At least, for once this year, I was reminded of all the sins I had committed in this life and how unworthy I am of the sacrifice. But it also made ma realize that there's still hope. I still have a life time ahead of me to work on proving myself worthy of it.