..a fish out of the water.

*sigh* that perfectly describes how I'm feeling lately. a fish out of the water.. I feel like I'm not in my element, nothing seems to go right, everything seems to be out-of-sync. haaay, ang sakit sa dibdib. i absolutely don't wanna post anything about work anymore here, however this is the only place where I can rant without giving anyone bad vibes.  i just had a fight with my sister, one of those adult fights where no one wanted to be the one to break the silence..and then today, i got reprimanded at work. well, not really reprimanded, got a feedback that I'm not performing well, not as well as before, not as well compare to others. Now, I'm usually welcome to feedbacks if it helps me to improve but I just wish that the feedback comes with figures. I'm the type that doesn't generally respond well to external motivation and I'm certainly not motivated with monetary incentive, or discouraged by the lack of it. I always want to perform well, I love it when I'm doing well, I compete only with myself. I guess that last part can be both a good thing and a bad thing. However, what irks me the most is when I am being compared, especially without numbers, data, figures on areas that can be measured. I NEED to know where I stand, what areas I need to improve in, where I'm lacking, but for the love of GOD, I N-E-E-D figures!! Otherwise, I might just take the feedback as just an opinion... subjective.


God! I feel like I'm losing control. In a sense, I am. I've been used to doing outbound calls and we're usually totally in control. I have to admit I'm struggling with this switch to inbound cs/sales.. I feel like I always seem to be walking across thin ice. I never quite know what to expect. It's like that movie, "Life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're gonna get". In my case though, it just seems like a box of really bad candies, and my stomach is just about to turn. oh, someone is on the verge of a meltdown!


Ralph Marston to the rescue! I followed him on Twitter cos one of my supervisors from before used to post his quotes. I usually tend to ignore his posts but today they seem to be talking to me:

"Take a breath of fresh air. The past is behind you. Focus on what you can do, not on what you could have or should have done."

"Stop repeating to yourself the reasons why you can't. Begin reminding yourself why you must."

*sigh* then again, maybe, I am just making excuses. I should stop making excuses. ahhh I need to think about this some more... ha! grateful that we always get a new day to start over. Hope things will improve soon. i don't wanna worry too much about work. After all, i don't wanna turn 60 y.o. and realize I spent 50 of it slaving away in a cubicle.